So.. that was ‘08 huh?

Not So Sure I’d Call ‘08 “Great”

For me, ’08 was kind of a dud. The music side of the year had a lot to live up to from ’07, and to be honest ’08 was a let down. Sure, there were a couple highlights, but I’m really hoping that ’09 picks it up a bit because as of right now it looks as if ’08 might not have even happened. (Well, it happened all right and that didn’t happen in a wormhole or something. It was Real-Time.) I’m speaking here in regard to Rock n’ Roll. Geez, am I gonna have to explain this every step of the way?

Anyway… Pretty much everyone knows that “Top 10” lists are crap. If they don’t come from David Letterman, 9 out of 10 are snotty, condescending nonsense or… worse. Logic dictates that if the grouchy old genius doesn’t do the “Top 10 Whatevers of Year Whatever,” you probably shouldn’t even bother. Ahhh… and still, smug writers the world over insist upon making them.
“Hey, man. I want the world to share my Art.” No you don’t – you want people to think you’re cool. (And you are, man. You are.)

By the way: what happens to people when they sit down to write these lists? To fit in with all the highbrow critics, shall I list a few releases you haven’t heard yet? Maybe an album that you’ve been told you’re supposed to like, but in all honesty… you just can’t… do it? Should I grace you with my sage wisdom, secretly leaning heavily towards whatever I’ve been listening to over the last couple weeks (you know, once it’s safe and I know what all the know-it-alls have been listening to) then throw some random reference out that only kind of makes sense? (“No you simpleton! Fleet Foxes don’t sound like the Byrds, they sound just like the Beach Boys!”) While I’m at it, maybe I should name-drop a couple ironic mainstream picks (“Dude, Britney is back!”) or the obligatory Hip Hop artist. (“Lil’ Wayne! You don’t love him? What are you, square? Don’t ya like to party?”)

I mean, c’mon I could reel out a list of Top 10 albums, but how could you trust me???

Look. I believe any review of anything anyone has done, should be offered up a solid month after it’s exposed to the rest of world – at minimum.
Why?
Because, time tells. Time tells and critics (aka Those Who Cannot Do) are overly opinionated and somehow get paid to tell you why you should like this or that and it’s just stupid. Time tells and I say all the great music marks a place and time in the listener’s life. Yea, verily, so says me. If no time has actually passed and therefore no places have really been visited, no experiences have been had whilst listening, how can you know what is really timeless? You know, remember the road trip to somewhere with your family, and Journey just so happened to come on and that’s the only reason you remember that lovely moment? ok MAYBE ITS JUST ME.. Its called nostalgia.

I also find it highly suspicious when a critic cites a group/artist, names them the next U2 or a “Diva” (Congrats on your Diva status! You’ve been officially recognized as petty, shallow and narcissistic!), and yet no one I know has ever heard of them. Even when I ask around. 9 times out of 10 those “next U2” are nowhere by their next album. In totally unrelated news, did you know that the Strokes, Hot Hot Heat and The Hives all have had two albums come out since they first “broke”? Anyway, back to the subject: I swear – someone has to be paying for these Breakthrough Artists. A Monopoly Man look-alike was sitting in a dark room somewhere, pulling strings. That’s it. It’s not “an unexpected groundswell” – it’s some creep in a darkened, smoke-filled room with bags of money all around, plotting the next Unexplained Phenomenon.

Maybe – just maybe – the reason so many “Top 10” musical lists are ridiculous is because… there weren’t 10 musical efforts that were all that great? Granted, the only reliable source I have for hearing about new music is HM NOT Rollingstone.I’m serious.The questions are simple: What album from this last year was better to listen to every day than Angels and Airwaves? Oh, and apparently Maylene and the Sons of Disaster are the only metal band that understands SOUL and MELODY when they’re out there screamin’ and carryin’ on. (Note to the 500 metal albums that came out that last year – get yer stuff together.) Will someone please tell me how we ended up with all these “My chemical romance” crap bands?! (Yes, I know – don’t care) or any variation of ” Punk Rock” that didn’t make me start laughing? Oh well, Green day will have to do.

So…

Chances are, you don’t own I Empire by Angels and Airwaves. This is a problem. Of the precious few legitimate Rock albums released this year, I name this one “King.” The mix is basically flawless – crisp, balanced, interesting and dynamic – all the things that we’re supposed to be hearing from bands now that production has so few limitations. While the music is all that it should be (Please pay attention, dear aspiring artists) what I love most about this album are the vocals. Tom Delonge’s voice is better than yours. In fact, he’s better at singing than you are… at doing whatever it is you do. (Don’t get all mad, it is what it is.) It has character without being some tired gimmick – heaven forbid. It actually pisses me off that I hear so little about this album. There are like, 3 magazines worth reading after purchase, and at least one of them, PASTE, took notice – let that be a lesson to you. Someone should be out of a job (Can you believe that no one with money has recognized what this band could be and exploited it? Gawd. Why is it that the cats with dough are always the dumb ones? I officially demand, on behalf of the band and without their consent, a placement in the new Star Trek movie. This was easily my favorite Rock album of the year.

I liked Viva La Vida. There, I said it. I have no Indie credibility or Cool Status to lose, so I risk nothing by admitting what all you hateful cynics won’t: This is the last vestige of legitimate Arena Rock, and quite frankly it’s missed. I won’t bother with going into details or descriptors – it’s unnecessary because anyone with enough guts to listen to something so mass-produced and yet still sincere, owns the album already. Need a little shove to come over to the uncool side of the street? Listen to “42” or “Yes” and tell me you don’t love this music. Now if only U2 can manage to put out something with more than four good jams and an iTunes commercial, we’ll all be in a better place. (Wait..I love U2)

Movies..

You saw Iron Man, so you’re covered there.
The Dark Knight was excellent
Tropic Thunder – good enough, but to That Other Guy: Thank you for doing the “Full Retard” bit in character, even after I said, “No – I haven’t seen it yet.” Seriously – it was way funnier seeing Robert Downey Jr. doing it after you told me all the good lines – I knew what to look for. It’s always funny to hear the punch line before you hear the joke. You should be in movies.
…….

XBOX 360 is wonderful but that controller still sucks.
Wii isn’t really exercising, but it feels like it is. What does that mean?
MySpace officially sucks – at least on Facebook I don’t have to keep entering weird non-words every time I want to do something. (And seriously, I don’t appreciate being asked to trust a little fine print box saying the answer to the password is “not case-sensitive” while looking at something that seems conspicuously case-sensitive. Lame.) MySpace blew up rather quickly for something sold for that much dough – I guess we should have known it would devolve into crappiness just as quickly. Facebook used to seem boring now it just seems logical: Turns out, I don’t want to commit so much time to commitment-free social networking. Plus: Less Whores. And please have more friends than just Tom.. Just saying..

~ by johnlinnell on February 3, 2009.