Settled

Ok, so I finally have time to write this…..

So here it goes….in a minute

Hold on, theres a piece of tape on my foot……

Phew… Ok I’m ready to start.

Yes, I am now in Redding indefinitely. Its approximately 7,555,587 degrees outside. I have a fan blowing on my face, but it brings little relief. After three days of loading and organizing my massive collection of stuff I can now say that I’m somewhat settled. Its a studio with a great kitchen, virtually everything a single man needs. Nice view of a yellow tractor. The freedom is almost too much. I can literally get out of bed and venture to the kitchen (which is ten feet from my bed) and produce whatever the hell I want. Which, is great considering where I used to live I needed to scrape off someones science project off the stove in order to make a simple meal while dodging awkward conversations from overly happy morning people. (I’m not a morning person, in fact if you see me in the morning, don’t talk to me)

I’m very happy to be back though and I feel very blessed. Lots of thanks to Robert and Erin Vujasinovic for being so inclusive, and welcoming. There is really little to tell yet, but I can tell that this is a new chapter in my life. I see my life in chapters. I’m in the fourth chapter now, but I will explain another day. I still need to look for a job (which will be easy considering how multifaceted I am). Ive already spent time with some very good friends. I feel great, and I’m definitely here and alive.

Last night I was sitting on my porch basking in the silence when I realized how much I missed the quiet. In Reno the hustle and bustle makes itself known as a droning ambiance. Like a fridge buzzing in the background. I feel like my thought process is improved dramatically. I heard a dog howling last night and I felt like it was singing my song. Some thoughts need to be sung against the silence I guess. In some ways I’m not settled and in other ways I’m already sunken into comfort. Emotionally I am settled, but the boxes scattered around my room/living room could be a great illustration of whats happening in my head. Moving as whole is better in theory than in actuality, but lets make it clear that I love where I am in my life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I had a rather emotional experience while driving here. In Reno it can be pretty lonely, especially driving in the night. The long highway stretches through the heart of town and lonely skyscrappers loom over the freeway as if distant and forbidden. As I hit the 350 connector from the 80 I start to feel emotions traveling to the surface of my being. Out of nowhere I protect my self. Then a flawed thought pops in my head;

“I’m a man, and I need to suppress this, as long as I don’t let my emotions show I will be fine.”

Immediately red flags pop up in my conscience. To make a long story short, I cried like a baby. Yes I cried. I couldn’t believe I was crying. Not because my inner ego was threatened, but because I never thought I would ever be sad to leave that place. But I was. The place I wanted to escape from for so long was now tugging at me. To be honest I thought I hated Reno. The fact of the matter is I met alot of cool people who touched my life. I am so thankful for them. If any of you are reading this I want to say thank you for being so gracious to me. In conclusion I would like to thank you here for your support.

Matt McDowell, Greg Orlando, JJ , Jacob Cotton, Scott Gayer, Randy Meyer, Eric Moen, Johnny and Sabbra, Danny Shelly, and Dan Lamayer, Gena, Erika, Gavin, Jessica, Sarah, Mike, Brian, Jamie, Kelly, Tim, Chrissy, Brandon, Justin, John, Jon,Tony, Scott, …..and anyone I missed.

God bless
JL

~ by johnlinnell on August 5, 2008.